How to be genuine

SO:

Is REFUSING to play games genuine?

If that's the case, then WHY have I SO RARELY had a girl angry or upset with me?

I mean, even after NUMEROUS relationships, have I had less problems than my average AFC friend with just a handful.

Many people probably QUESTION why I would pawn off 2 HB7s to pickup a HB9 or 10. Rightly so. But what they don't realize from behind their remote computer screens is that so long as you ACTIONS ARE CONGRUENT TO YOUR BADBOY FRAME, girls will EXPECT this behaviour, and NEVER be surprised when it happens. It's part of who you are, and they're SMART enough to know its coming.

Even with the bit of rapport that they NEED to justify their embarkment on your adventure, they still KNOW what is coming, and ACCEPT IT.

I'll have girls that I never called back, or pawned off for hotter girls, ALWAYS coming over to chat me and catch up. They're never upset. Always very happy to see me again.

In my opinion, there is a clear cut reason -> While my sexual persona may not be as congruent with my real personality as I'd like, my *ACTIONS* are CONGRUENT with what I *PROJECT*.

Since the girls I associate with KNOW and EXPECT that its going to be a short-lived ADVENTURE (given that I've made it fully obvious from the start), they NEVER get genuinely upset when it ends. Sure, they may pout briefly, but then they're off to the NEXT STIMULUS - be it the next socially-proofed jerk, or dancing, or drinks.

On the other hand, back when I used to be the LOYAL-AFC, when I'd dump the few girls I got they'd get VERY UPSET.

Which makes me think: Is it more genuine to build connections where you project that you are a more quiet one-girl type, when that is not you (even if you state polyamory, you still come-off that way). Or is it more genuine to be a jerk up front, and allow the chick to FREELY CHOOSE to go along for the short-adventure or not.

I guess we have to come to our own answers, and find our own subjective value systems. That's life. I don't judge. Call it aggrandized self-rationalization, but this is just the way that I make sense of the world that I've been thrown into, given my life experiences and how I've assimilated them.

The interactions with the women in my life ARE genuine, but during the initial phases of our relationship - the period where the FRAME is BARGAINED for and ESTABLISHED - I strive to convey that there are only CERTAIN parameters that I am comfortable with.

And making it obvious that I am only a short-lived adventure for them, through the jerk-way that I present myself, is the way that I go about doing it. Once the pact is made (sex), I'm comfortable to be fully myself. Discuss what I want, etc etc.. And the girls are ALWAYS happy to discuss stuff that is important to me AFTER we've had sex, because she's made that investment in me, and NOW FINALLY wants to know more about who I am. I fully believe that as a sexual-partner-candidate, you are NOTHING to a girl before you've had sex.

Or rather, you may be a friend. But that entitles you to nothing sexually. Nor should it.

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BECOMING CONGRUENT:

When taking a job-interview, you'll present yourself in a particular way. During a family gathering, it may be another way. And with your friends, it may be another way.

Everyone has different SIDES to their personality, and each judges when it is APPROPRIATE to exhibit a particular side.

Why not "just be yourself" at ALL times? Because EACH of these sides ARE the "real you", just different aspects.

Acting the SAME in ALL situations is INCONSIDERATE to the people around you. If you horse around at a job interview, you show lack of respect for the interviewer's experience. If you act overly sophisticated with your friends, you show lack of respect for the bond that you have with them, and the clowning-around that goes along with it.

And as with the boss at the job interview, you hope to eventually get to know your girl on a more "genuine" level, when the time is APPROPRIATE.