Lose Interest in Calling HB

Example:  Tuesday night, followed up on an invitation I got to see a girl play in her band.  Before they played, we talked and she introduced me to her sister and a bunch of her friends who were in LA to see her play.  While she was on stage, she locked eyes with me a lot.  Afterward, she was friendly but it was obvious that she was occupied with her friends and sister.  You could tell she wanted me there, but, that she wanted to divide attention amongst too many people for my taste.  So rather than get the split attention, as this could be seen as desperate, I stayed about 10 minutes and told her I had a great time but had to go. Left it upbeat and made myself scarce...

Bob Frapples:That's fine. I hope you work on your framing, though.  Keep yourself in a positive frame at all times.



wayne rasmussen: There is another point which is obvious to me so I didn't mention this.  Why did she invite me to see her play?  Perhaps she was interested in me, or perhaps there is a game a foot.  Suppose she is interested in one of the guys who came in to visit, maybe she wanted to show him that someone was "chasing" her.  Maybe there are issues with her sister and she wanted to show that some guy was interested in her.  Maybe other games.  At this point, I didn't want to play it that way.  If she is intereted in me, she will still be receptive next time I see her.  If she was playing a game...

Example: 
Bad:    If I persue this chick, she might shoot me down. 
Better: If I don't persue this chick, I won't get laid. 
Best:   If I persue this chick, I might very well get laid.

The second one isn't the best because, while not being harmful, it's not much of a productive frame either.  It doesn't say that you might get laid if you do persue, it just says that you won't if you don't. The third one is the best.

DeepBlue: It depends on your definition of a good time. Lots of things feel good, but only some of them are anchors. Meaning, only some of the experiences you share with an HB will have "holding power". If you're a good kisser then giving her a long kiss is usually a powerful, memorable experience, and most chicks are going to want to get together with you again after that. But, it's not just a matter of giving her pleasure, it's a matter of getting her thinking about you, fantasizing about you, wanting and desiring you.

To answer your question, I think you need to have some sense of where continuing things will lead. If the vibe you get from her makes you confident that you can take things to a more intimate level with her right then, you probably should. But if it looks like you're just going to drag things out without significantly escalating the excitement and intimacy, then that is kind of anti-climactic and will simply dampen her impulse to be fantasizing about you--in that case you'd be better off keeping things short and sweet (brief but powerful and memorable).

Besides the option of making a second plan on the spot (which can sound desperate if you keep mentioning it to her on the phone to get her to hang out with you again),

DeepBlue: Yikes! Not on the phone dude. This isn't about having "backup" activities to suggest. The emphasis is on smoothly transitioning from one activity to another, starting from as soon as you first meet her if possible. For instance, you pick up a chick in a bookstore and you both go have a cup of coffee together, right then. You sit down and talk and you get closer and build rapport, and so she enthusiastically goes along with your suggestion to go somewhere else together. And so on.

I would suggest doing a takeaway if you're worried a HB will lose interest after the spell of the night is broken. I'm not a fan of the nickname-tease, but you could do that. I prefer leaving a story or pattern dangling. For example, as you #close or *close, tell her you have some great advice that would help her realize whatever dream she's confided to you that night, and you'll tell her next time you get together.

DeepBlue: That might be a bit much--telling her that I hold the secret to her dreams and that I'll reveal it all the next time we get together. However, the basic idea is on target: to come up with a practical reason that will serve as the basis for you two getting together so that when you call her later on, she doesn't have to agonize over whether she is "interested enough" in you socially. If her desire has (temporarily) subsided then then your phone call won't trigger her worrying over whether she likes you "enough." She'll have this OTHER reason for getting together with you, so she can relax about it. Then, when you get together she will naturally start to re-discover the same desire she felt for you before. That's it in a nutshell.

Honestly, I'm less worried about women flaking than about myself flaking. I feel like the problem with SS for me has been that three-quarters of the #closes and *closes I do, I don't follow up on (even when they call me) because either I'm too busy juggling others or I don't have the patience to hang in there if it takes longer than three times hanging-out to f-close. So I find myself not finishing what I started too often, and then going out sarging for more. Is this a common problem? Should I join sargers anonymous?