How to Construct PU Routines

0. COOL ROUTINES VS BEING COOL

Any newbie can spout the best friends test. Or the sisters/bubble wrap/angel devil script. Or say that he and random HB would never get along. All of these are awesome, and have their place in a PU. But none of them convey WHAT KIND OF GUY YOU ARE.

I'm willing to bet it will take many newbs a LONG time to feel congruent spitting out all these canned lines - UNLESS you have some meat - some routines to flesh out *your* observations and experiences. This post is about developing that meat in a way that's congruent (true) to YOUR nature. It's about showing girls how YOU view the world, so they see how cool you are. You can try to do this naturally, but that might take you a LONG time. The way I did it? Read on.

1. HOOK

FIRST, you need to grab people's attention FAST. Words like "poop", "cancer", or any old racial slur will work, though they lack elegance.

Currently, I hit girls with "You guys look really serious! / focussed! / tentative! / distracted! / concerned! / spaced!" Often, they do. (A *lot* of people demonstrate one of these emotions.) For happy laughing girls talking to each other, you could say they're "hyper-feisty", but better is to use a more direct opinion opener, or honestly, a completely different high-energy game. I'll post on that more when I've got it down better.

These kind of emotional reads (cold reads) usually grab the attention of the set for a few seconds. If for some reason, you can't read their emotional state (turned backs, bitchy girls), then just go for the female opinion, followed by the time constraint. It's indirect and a little weak, but what can you do?

2. SUBJECT

So now you need to follow up with... a real routine. How do you construct one?

First, if you cannot hold an interesting conversation, do NOT try to improvise!!!! If you've ever seen improv, you know that most guys are NOT funny when they improvise. Especially the ones who put on shows, since they're usually annoying, 2-bit actors who will laugh at the stupidest shit.

Instead, here's how I prepared my whole set of routines. Each took about 10 minutes to prepare.

Take a topic. It should be a topic that affects a few people personally, though it doesn't have to be. It also doesn't have to have anything to do with you - I'll get to realism later. For now, let's choose baldness.

Your second hook is just a statement on that topic.

"You know how when guys get old, they start losing their hair?"

3. SOCIAL DYNAMICS

Every routine MUST contain an element of SOCIAL DYNAMICS. How does this topic affect people socially?

"I have a friend - he's 22 - he's ALREADY losing his hair. SOCIAL NIGHTMARE."

4. STORY

This is the tricky part. You have your premise - so what.

Ok - what I said about Letterman above? *You* personally can imagine several celebrities that are good at talking to people. So take one that you style yourself after (say Howard Stern, Al Pacino, or Will Ferrell), and imagine him talking about this topic. Just talking and talking. LET HIM TALK (in your head). If he says anything interesting, write it down.

Since this sounds like I'm insane and listening to voices in my head, let's be more specific.

To be engaging, you need to have an attitude, and what Tyler calls a conversational frame. But this is annoying terminology. *You need to be able to hold someone's attention with a short premise*. The best people in the world at this are comedians, but other celebrities can as well. Imagine Dave Letterman talking about a bald guy:

"Well, this guy, he's 22, and he's already balding! What is that? [aside to Paul] His hair - well, he's got some on the top, and some on the sides, and well, it just looks like - you know that starfish on SpongeBob? Yeah. Poor guy. And you *know* it's not helping him, you know, with the ladies."

You can imagine the same thing coming out of Chris Rock's mouth, or Damon Wayans's, or Greg Giraldo's, or even Eric Cartman's. Point is - find an edgy comedian/celebrity who can tell stories, and imagine them telling it. And just write it down. That's your starting point.