(4). When I speak my voice will sound weak and feeble.
(5). What if what I say gets no reaction. I will die of embarassment.
(6). .. and so on.
7. Ask question that will keep the focus off you. Instead of having a normal conversation(Me/you/Me/You in rapid succession) ask deep questions that send the other person into themselves thus ignoring you. e.g What is the most important thing to you about your ...(job/holiday/friend etc)? What do you look for in a ( ...)? What was the happiest/funniest event in your life? What made you choose your (their job) for a living?
8. There is also a book called (50 question or something ) which is a set of canned questions so you will never be stuck for a converation again.
9. Use IRC and visit rooms so that you get used to talking to people. i.e Although you are conversing via text you will realise a lot about how conversations flow and that stalling in a converation will not result in instand death from embarassment.
DaMan: Two things you need:
1.Confidence in yourself and
2.Social Skills.
This is obvious enough, I know, but the only thing that will give you these things are PRACTICE, PRACTICE, and PRACTICE.
FORCE yourself into conversations with people. One thing you have to teach yourself is to not be afraid to talk about yourself- this is a big one. Someone posted above about how you have to focus on the situation you're in instead of yourself, and I totally agree. This is different, though. Think of interesting things about yourself: stories you can tell, your interests, your family, your history. Rehearse stories and conversations (i.e., before you go to party say to yourself "People are going to ask me what I do for a living and I am going to tell them [whatever]"). My point is rehearse what you are going to say so you are READY.
Learn to RELATE to people. This is done by LINKING something about them with something about YOU (or about something you know about, etc). For example, you go to a party and some chick tells you she is a psychologist, in the back of your head think of ANYTHING you know about regarding psychology. I met a girl who was a psychologist or something and she was telling me she working in a mental hospital and all this stuff, so I asked her if she thinks Multiple-Personality Disorder is a real disease or if they are faking it (I really was interested in this, actually) and she started telling me she thinks it is real and I could tell she was interested in the conversation she was having with me. What originally probably would have only been a 5 minute conversation went on for 20 minutes or so and probably could have gone on longer.
Whenever you are talking about yourself- try to LINK what you are saying to something about THEM.
Jeff Mills: Before I would go out, i would get a pen and paper and brainstorm some good stories and things to talk about. Nothing amazing, just interesting, funny stuff that happened to me that day or I had heard about. Once I had written it down remembering the topics was easy. This really helped those moments of uncomfortableness and long pauses.
BeerBongHangover: You need to make some friends and expand your social circle. As Pelmin points out, a key to do this is opening up. Most people have a guard up in many social interactions. You can help them break down this shield by not caring about what image you're portraying and also by not being critical of them.
I was a total introvert when I was younger. I didn't understand what was going on around me at all basically. Over a period of a couple of years I have changed into a confident, outgoing person who can work a group better than most. I want to tell you this is not at all magic and it doesn't happen overnight.
Sometimes I see guys who post to this group and they're like I just started reading a week ago and now I got 4 # closes and 2 lays, etc.. These guys are starting the race 10 miles ahead of you. You're going to have to go at your own pace. But you will improve. Realizing there is a problem is the most important thing.
I look back now and basically laugh at how inept I was. It doesn't matter. That wasn't the real me anyway.
Pelmin: I have this female friend, who always is the center of attention in parties etc. One day I examined what she was doing and it was pretty simple. She didn't give a fuck. She could say something meaningless and laugh. She could mention an idea with a slight of humorous touch, and laugh. People would laugh with her. The impression which you'd get at the end of the night is that she's funny and fun to be with. Now, knowing her, I know she's not that funny, but she's fun to be with. It works on me as well.
Anyhow, a major point here, is what you wrote about "stories" and that you are lifeless, so you got no stories to tell. Well, thing is, people don't tell life-altering stories all the time. Pay attention to what the conversation is about and you could notice the subject is someone's toothbrush. People talk about the most trivial things. This is especially true with the women I know who can replay a conversation they had word for word (for a whole hour). Bottom line is, that those people around you, get to know you from this trivial information about yourself. So, start with that, and do it with a passion. Open up some, and you'll see people get attached to you.
Fatass: Climbing out of my hole took me a long time, but that's because I didn't have the right tools: supportive friends, solid advice, an overall strategy, and proven tactics. And I was pretty well beaten down to begin with: an abusive drunk for a father, a rage-aholic for a mother, Catholic school.... I am still basically shy, but I have learned to employ compensating behaviors, When you can compensate, it no longer matters that you are shy. Pretend. Act. Kick yourself in the ass and move into action. Laugh at your fear. Laugh at everything.
