I have severe performance anxiety

Capitol: I have recently found out that I do badly with chicks b/c I have severe performance anxiety (not just chicks, about everything for which I have to "perform" - tests, computer games, sports, etc). Does anyone have any experience with this or now how to cope with it? I read the online help, but the problem is that I don't really seem to have all the 'inner talk' they speak of on which the cure system is built.. and neither does changing beliefs or EFT seem to work.

Style: I've found that, while asf tactics have worked amazing wonders for me, they've hurt a little too. For some reason, every now and then, just after I meet a chick (especially a quieter one who's waiting for me to set the pace of the convo), I'll be shuffling so many scripts and routines through my head, trying to find the right one to say to get her hooked, that I'll just end up silent, not saying a thing, whereas in my afc days i would have at least kept the conversation going. Does anyone else have the problem of trying to think of the right ASF thing to do--instead of just doing?

Also, Capitol, here's something to think about: You are only as good as your self-esteem. You need to find a way to raise your self-esteem when you're talking with other people. It seems to me that you're afraid of rejection or losing, that you're too hard on yourself. I know it won't do any good to tell you the old and very true cliches that he who doesn't try never wins, that one success is worth twenty failures. Instead, try to do two things: next time you're very comfortable being yourself and being assertive and in control around someone (a younger sibling, an ex-girlfriend, an underclassman or coworker), try to remember what that feels like, and when you go out sarging, treat that HB like that person you're comfortable with, where you have the attitude that: you don't need their respect, but they want yours. Also, start small: try the Svengali challenge (going out, smiling, and just saying hi to 10 HBs). You'll find that rejection doesn't come near as often as you think it will.

Finally, people are very responsive to your signals and expectations. So don't expect rejection, because then you're going to act tentatively and get what you expect. Expect success, and you'll be amazed how often it comes.

KevRM: The thing is to quit coming at the game with a strict goal in mind, such as "I will talk to exactly 100 girls today." Instead of looking to impose rules on yourself and  restrict yourself, just go out to have a good time. Breath in and out and focus on your breath. Silence your brain if it fills your head with all these stressful thoughts. Just sit back, relax, and have fun while out, and if the opportunity comes when a girl passes by, talk to her, but not if you feel it more a chore than fun. Learn to have fun and be comfortable and confident. Stop being self conscious of yourself, and just go out without worries. Build THAT base before you start performing all these techniques because what you will get is a stressed out mind or mindless sex  in which you probably will be nervous and not enjoying it much.

Michael S.: Does your performance anxiety exist BEFORE the activity or DURING, or BOTH?  Some people get stage fright before an activity, but once they start the performance everything calms down. Does your anxiety with chicks have to do with sex, or with interaction, or both?

I think some solution lies with "Staying In The Moment".  If you can concentrate on what is going on in the "Here And Now", it keeps your mind occupied and you are better able to concentrate. It keeps your mind from playing out negative dialogs.

Acting lessons are GREAT for teaching someone how to stay in the moment. And Boxing is a GREAT sport for teaching this. If you fail to stay in the moment, YOU GET HIT. Once you learn how to stay in the moment, all the fear leaves you, and it's as if your opponent is in slow motion. But you will do a lot of flinching and closing your eyes in ANTICIPATION of what is coming, until you learn to stay in the moment. THEN your eyes will remain WIDE OPEN. It is almost impossible to hit a boxer when his mind is in the HERE AND NOW. They get hit when their mind shifts focus to what they are going to do to their opponent a few moments in the future.