I feel depressed and sad

>gotten myself out of my
>comfort zone and approached
>women, i've joined hobbies, i
>want to better myself as a
>person. I want to have a
>girlfriend who is beautiful
>outside and inside. Nothing
>seems to working...

have YOU cultivated beauty in yourself on the inside or outside? why would such a woman be attracted to you? what do you have going for you? i'm serious.. if you don't KNOW the answer to these questions, then start thinking about what it would take to have the right answer.

>I might as well end up killing
>myself, what is there to live
>for? Everyone is friendly and
>supportive towards me, even
>today a potential girlfriend
>calls me, but now i feel like
>i dont want to meet her
>because i dont deserve
>anyone's love or support.

that's because you don't... from the sounds of your post i personally wouldn't be friends with a guy like you because you sound like a massive downer.. i'd try to be friendly to you if we met because i respect you as a person, but the only guys i hang with in my spare time are guys who are extremely positive and who live lives that inspire me to hold myself to a higher standard..

>What am i supposed to do. Why
>am i like this? Should i end
>everything now?

here's what i would do. first, draw a line that you won't accept this nonsense from yourself.. this whole victim thing isn't acceptable.. just stop it man.. don't be a little bitch.. man up.. beat your chest a bit..  your life is short.. every second of it that you spend thinking these thoughts is an utter waste of your time.. it's not appreciating what you've been given.. look at the larger picture..

when you feel these thoughts, that's fine.. it's fine to FEEL them..

but if you ACKNOWLEDGE THEM AS OBJECTIVE REALITY that is NOT FINE..

you must recognize things like THOUGHT LOOPS and EMOTIONAL STATES and learn to distinguish them from REALITY..

these things are all changeable, but it will not happen over night..

it is a slow process of conditioning yourself that takes several years..

you must get a clear cut idea of what thought loops you will accept as your reality and which ones you will not..

then over time you nurture that ones that you like and focus away from the ones that you don't..

i feel fear, terror, depression, angst, loneliness, but I do not acknowledge them as my objective reality.. i realize that they are just emotional responses that i can recondition both by changing my outer reality as well as changing how i think..

do what i did.. keep going out.. keep reading and learning from everyone you can.. keep working on yourself.. don't give up..

good luck..

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