My First Threesome

He muttered something incoherent and slunk away. The chicks glowed at me.

"Let's get out of here. There's a really nice pub not far from here called the Brass Monkey. It's got a Cinema and cushions and hopefully a lot less weirdos than here." I say. We get up and leave.

"I'm really cold." Pocahontas says. I put an arm around her shoulder as we walk toward the Brass Monkey. "Do you mind if I swing by our hostel and pick up a sweater?" "No, that's fine," says Tank Girl with a nonchalant air that I took as a mark of a genuine player. I just shrugged. Nonchalance city.

I flag down a taxi, and we jump in. Tank Girl's in the middle. She's hot. I've got my hand on her leg. She doesn't move it.

We get out of the taxi, and split the fare. We're walking down to where their room is, and I'm experiencing this strange feeling of serenity, the kind of serenity I think you can only ever truly experience if you're a tightrope walker, or a bomb-disposal expert. The feeling that everything is fine, everything is going well, you're about to do something really awesome, but the slightest jar could fuck things up and cost you the use of your legs.

Stay frosty. Thread the needle.

As we enter the hostel, we bump into a group of about 15 people, all of these girl's friends from the hostel. I'm talking Spanish guys. Spanish guys are like Europe's most shameless and horny men, and they instantly burst into a babble of Hispanic questions, hooks and general shit to get the girls talking.

"You have to come out, we'll be at the Three Sisters later," says one random guy.
"Excellent," I reply, warmly but with that same hint of steel I'd noticed before with the tramp. "I know it. We'll see you there in a few minutes."
"Good, good. See you there, man."
"Cool." I say, and we walk inside.

We get into the lift. This whole journey had been a big state break, especially all the fucking foreigners outside. That little bubble of comfort we'd been in at the bar and in the taxi had evaporated, but there was still a palpable air of sexual tension. I'm not worried. The game's still afoot.

We get into Tank Girl's room. Pocahontas goes to hers to get her jumper. Tank Girl starts playing shit on her Ipod. I consider how to make a move, how to escalate. I have to lead this. These girls are going to let this all slide by if I don't act. A cheesy line won't do it. I need to get this chick thinking sexually and fast. She walks over to the sink in her room to put some product in her hair. I grab her, and push her up against the door. I kiss her hard. She loves it. She smiles.

"I'll get Pocahontas." I say.
"Cool." She replies. It is cool.

Rinse and repeat, motherfucker. I go to Pocahontas's room, and she gets a forced tonguedown as well. I put in some extra work on this one. She's the weakest link in the chain, and she needs to be tempered in the fire of my lust for this to work.

"Come on," I say, leading her by the hand, "let's go see Tank Girl."
"Uh-huh. Cool." She replies. It is cool.

They get in to the room. We're all together, and all alone. The girls start making small talk.

Then Tank Girl says...

"Did he kiss you too?"

Then Pocahontas says

"Yes, the dirty bastard."

Then I say

"Yeah, and I'm not sorry. Let's have another three way kiss."

Then I guide them together. Then Tank Girl kisses Pocahontas with a kind of masculine passion and intensity that I've never seen a woman display before. It's really intense. Pocahontas is pushed back with the force of it, and I catch her, kissing the side of her neck from behind. My hands wander all over her body, criss crossing with Tank Girl's.

Then I go to undo Pocahontas's bra, only to find it already undone.