My First Threesome

Every now and then, Tank Girl has been dropping little clues about her being a lesbian. I don't rise to it. She mentions this girl she kissed, and I act like she's talking about the weather. Eventually she comes out with it – in fact, she comes out. We've been talking for about 3 hours now from the Blackadder approach. She apologises about not telling me earlier (?) but explains she didn't want to freak me out (?), offend my sense of morality (?) or scare me off (?) because she was enjoying my company and she wasn't sure how I'd react.

Just a word to the Yanks reading this. What the fuck? Are you mad? Why is this hot lesbian chick afraid to tell guys she likes pussy? Why does she think I'll get moralistic on her ass? Do you do that? What the fuck? Why does she think I'll get scared? Are you scared of hot lesbians? What the fuck? What are you saying to your hot lesbians? What the fuck is wrong with you people?

Anyway. I clearly don't give a fuck and I tell her as much. In fact, I tell her that I wouldn't know where to begin to give a fuck if you gave me a roadmap to give-a-fuck City Central and a really compelling reason to go. She then tells me that she has a girlfriend. I get the sense that this is bait, so I don't let my disappointment show in my face. What can I tell you – I want this chick. I love Tank Girl. Lori Petty is hot. But the bait is out, and I feel like a bug under a microscope - like I'm being subtly examined by both chicks for any sense of neediness. I show none. Poker-face-tastic. After a few minutes more of banter she lets slip that her girlfriend doesn't mind her playing with other people when she's on vacation as long as they tell each other. Once more my poker face comes into play, and I just about restrain myself from punching the air and doing an Irish jig. Pocahontas says that she's single, and she hasn't got laid in ages. Once more, I stop myself, and don't do a cartwheel.

"So, you're a lesbian, eh?" I ask. "How's that working out for you?" Love that question. It's from Tyler Durden in Fight Club.
"Love it." She replies.
"Have you ever been with a guy?"
"Yeah, but not since I came out. How about you?"
"I snogged my best friend once in a game of Truth or Dare," I answer truthfully.
"Did you like it?" She asked.
"No," I said. "No, it was fucking nasty." A shudder ran through my body at the memory. I'm shuddering as I type this. Ick.
"I bet you liked it a little," Tank Girl says.
"I really, really didn't. I think it's different for guys, and I don't think a lot of women get that, especially gay women. No offence, but it really is different."
"What do you mean?" Asks Tank Girl.
"Well shit. I was talking to a friend of mine, this girl called Susan - she was the one I was playing the same Truth or Dare game with, incidentally. She snogged her friend, this chick called Clare, and she said that for girls, even straight girls, it's not really a big deal. It's more like an extension of your friendship."
"Yeah, yeah I can see that." Pocahontas said.
"How about you," I asked Pocahontas, "have you ever kissed a girl?"

Stay frosty. Thread the needle.

"No, never."
"Wow." I said.
"Really?" Said Tank Girl.
"Well, shit," I say. "We're all on holiday. I'm sorry - 'vacation'. You two should kiss."
Tank Girl looks at Pocahontas like a wolf contemplating a newborn lamb.
"Sure, c'mere." She says, and a chick-on-chick tonguedown commences.

Nice.

So once they come up for air, Tank Girl leans back in her chair. She looks at me. I look at her.
"So how was she?" I ask Pocahontas.
"Good. Very good." Pocahontas replies.
"Hmm. If I were to kiss you," I say to Tank Girl, "How would I rate you on a 1-10 scale?" Thanks for that, Wayne. All I want for Christmas is you.