Phone Rules

However, there are a few times to text: One is to set up the details of the get-together after the initial phone conversation.

Another time is when you fall into the trap of Phone Tag.

I've never had a woman not take or return my first call. However I have lost some in the phone-tag black hole. What will happen is I'll call her and leave a message; then she'll call me and leave a message; then I'll call her back and leave a message; and pretty soon, we'll both start to think, "Why am I working so hard to reach a person I met two weeks ago and hardly even remember anymore?" Then the phone tag will stop and we'll never see each other.

So to prevent this from happening, after one round of phone tag, text her with a humorous message about phone tag and ask her when she's going to be around to talk. If her response is vague, just make the plan over the phone. If the plan is for something with a hard deadline (like inviting her to a specific event that is happening the next day or a set time), it'll make sense why it's critical you get the message to her right away. If it's a plan for something that's "evergreen" and can happen any time (like "let's get coffee sometime"), you'll appear too eager and desperate, so in that case don't make a plan by text.

5. What To Say

All of my first phone calls follow the same pattern:

I. I never like to say, "Hi, it's Style." Instead, begin the conversation with a callback to your previous conversation. If you ran the dogs versus cats opener to meet her, then when she picks up, say, "So I got the dog." She'll know who it is. If you teased her by calling her a brat, when she picks up, just say, "Hey brat." It's a nice callback to your original connection.

II. To avoid any awkward pause, I go right into a short story. It helps to have a collection of stories at your disposal, you're an interesting guy, right? And just begin by saying something like, "You'll never guess what happened to me today…"

III. Speak in a deep, calm, comfortable voice tinged with laughter and fun. It's okay to be upbeat, but don't talk too fast or be too hyper. Experiment with matching her pace of speaking at first, then slowly increasing your pace and enthusiasm so that she feels more excitement.

IV. After the short story, give her an opportunity to speak. Most of the time she'll tell you about her day or ask a question. If she doesn't, just move on.

V. Ask her to see you later in the week. David D'Angelo suggests saying what days you're busy first to demonstrate, among other things, that you have a busy life and are squeezing her into it. So you can say something like, "I'm busy Friday and Saturday, but I'm having a small party on Sunday. I'm trying to cast the perfect group of really interesting people, and you should come. We need a wild card." (If you choose to use this line and she asks what a wild card is, you may either tease her by saying "someone unpredictable" or compliment her by saying "someone new and interesting." What you do here all depends on her self-esteem.)

VI. If you are not inviting her to a party as in V. above, don't frame the interaction as a date. Invite her to "tag along" or join you and your friends. In addition, make sure that it is clear that the meeting requires a minimal time commitment.

VII. If she's busy that night, let her know about some other event you know about coming up. Unless she gushes with enthusiasm to go, tell her that she'd probably enjoy it and if a space frees up to go, you'll call her and let her know.

VIII. After making your plan, don't just hang up and say goodbye. Just like with the phone number exchange, continue the conversation for another minute or two. You can do this by telling a quick, related story or, most preferably, making a good-natured smart-ass comment.