On Maintaining Long-Term Relationships

Long Term Relationships (LTRs), present a Catch-22 type of problem. Many people enter LTRs to AVOID having the things we all have to do to get a girlfriend---keeping in shape, being mysterious, busting shit-tests, etc. However, if we abuse the benefits of a LTR too much--let ourselves go physically, spill our guts constantly, letting shit-tests slide, etc., it deteriorates the quality of the LTR, and in some cases can END it. Both men and women are guilty of abusing the LTR status. But this post is focused on a men's perspective. The following suggestions not only prevent men's ladder positions falling in the eyes of the girlfriend, but they will ALSO encourage the girlfriend/woman to keep her end of the bargain up too--preventing her from abusing the LTR status as well (letting herself go, etc.).

RedSeraph wrote:

After commitment settles in, it's ok to do some of the IW stuff, but continue to maintain your sense of self, and don't let yourself be pussy-whipped. Keep up with the trust and honesty, and stay assertive. Don't do anything for the relationship out of a feeling that you have to, make sure that anything done is done because you want to.

On a more basic level, this is what I suggest:

1) Stay in shape, and maintain stylish clothes, good hygeine, etc. This is good for two reasons. First, your GF will stay more attracted to you (instead of you getting a beer gut, showering once per week, and wearing sweatpants all day). Second, you will appear to be more attractive to OTHER WOMEN. Granted, you won't be hooking up with the other women, but your GF WILL KNOW & SEE that other women are checking you out. This reinforces the idea in her brain that you are attractive and that she has competition and needs to defend her territory. It lets her know in a non-threatening way that if you need to, you can, re-fill The Hopper very quickly & move on with your life.

2) Innocently flirt w/ other cute women. Never cross the line and have lunch alone, etc. But innocently flirting in front of her goes back to the last part of #1 above. It lets your GF know (without you SAYING IT) that you have options, and you can always walk and land something as good or better than her. Again, make sure not to cross the line and cheat on her, etc. But innocently flirting re-inforces point #1 and lets your girlfriend know that at a moment's notice, you would have no problem re-stocking The Hopper (see: Hopper Method)with new women to replace her.

3) Don't shower her w/ gifts & fancy meals all of the time. Only do it for special occasions. If you do it all of the time, she will EXPECT it as NORMAL and instead of getting credit for doing it all of the time, you will get busted for NOT doing it all of the time. This is part of, "managing expectations." Don't be afraid to pamper & compliment--but ONLY when she DESERVES IT. Note to all of you IWs out there: a girl does not DESERVE IT simply by agreeing to spend time w/ you and having sex w/ you once in awhile. Set the bar higher. Did she give you a midblowing BJ on the airplane? Bonus point. Did she cook you an amaizing steak dinner? Bonus point. Did she refrain from nagging & annoying you about her argument w/ her mother while you were watching the football game? Bonus point. Did she get all dolled up & wear a new set of sexy underwear to dinner? Bonus point. But do not give out bonus points left & right. Compliments & bonus points should be genuine, but RARE. She will value the bonus points more if she knows she really has to work for them. Remember Pavlov and his dog? Same concept here. Any time you see behavior you want repeated, reward it. Any time you see a behavior you DO NOT want repeated, either ignore it or punish it (depending on your personal philosophy). Personally, I only use carrots and never use sticks (my stick is simply ignoring her). The key here is to figure out what motivates her. Is it sex? Cuddling & attention from you? Money/gifts? Use whatever motivates her as the bonus points. It should be stated here that this concept is a TWO WAY STREET. Women can train men the exact same way. For example, if a guy is late from work or the bar, and he walks in the door and the woman is screaming & yelling that he's late, drunk, etc. what kind of message does that say? OTOH, if EVERY TIME he walks in the door--day or night--no matter what condition he's in--no matter HOW pissed she is---if she is like, "HI HONEY!! Welcome home!," and then proceeds to give him a good warm meal & make him comfortable, etc. (again, whatever motivates him), what's going to happen? He'll learn to associate coming home to his wife as a GOOD FEELING, and will want to do it more.