Deal with Approach Anxiety

author:         "Cedar"
date:            Tue, 4 April 2004 13:17:00 GMT
website:      http://wwv.themysterymethod.com
subject:      Deal with Approach Anxiety...Anxiety is a defense mechanism. It exists to protect you from abnormal behaviour. Consider a high steel worker. These guys stand on two foot wide beams...

Had an awesome time in Vegas. Got into an Approach Anxiety with a fellow lounge member. Thought the rest of you might like to hear it. And for the record, we all get Approach Anxiety. There's no silver bullet. The more you get over it, the easier it gets. But it's still there.

Quote: Originally Posted by power it was sunday morning 4am, i guess. Cedar was fighting with tipsiness at the circle bar. when i told him that i'm still working on approach anxiety, suddenly he gave me a massive and comprehensive seminar about this and also game, like a revelation from somewhere above. it was awesome. after about 15 to 20 min of nonstop information storming, he went back to tipsy mode. thanks man.

In my defense, that was the strongest Margaritta EVER.

Anxiety

Anxiety is a defense mechanism. It exists to protect you from abnormal behaviour. Consider a high steel worker. These guys stand on two foot wide beams hundreds of feet off the ground. They're strapped in, but their body doesn't understand that. The first few weeks are hell.

After that, it's no big deal. Heights don't bother them. Their body has accepted heights as a feature of the environment. It's normal to THAT person. Buddy of mine worked high steel a decade ago. Said the heights were nothing to him at the time.

But he's afraid of heights now. Because HIS ENVIRONMENT CHANGED. He doesn't work high steel. He's not SURROUNDED by his anxiety any more. To him, heights are ABNORMAL now, when they were NORMAL a decade ago.

Approach anxiety is a collection of anxieties. Fear of talking to strangers. Fear of interrupting people. Fear of running out of things to say. Fear of looking dumb (social pressure). And fear of success (a personal favorite).

Talking to Strangers

Talking to strangers is the most common. In our hunter/gatherer days, this kind of behaviour could get you killed. We don't live in a tribal society any more, but our bodies doesn't understand that. Our biological programming is from the olden days.

If you do not talk to new people EVERY DAY, how do you expect to sarge at the bar? You're body will fight you. It will protect you. Unless you acclimate it.

I picked up a pamphlet on breaking habits on the trip to Vegas. It takes 21 days to form or break a habit. If that's true (and it sounds about right), it takes three weeks to overcome approach anxiety. By talking to strangers EVERYWHERE.
 
That means on the bus, at the gas station, line at the coffee shop, airplanes, work, restaurants, etc. Talk to a new person EVERY DAY. Use a stock opener on them. Like maury povich or dental floss.

Understand that if you STOP being a social creature for any length of time, approach anxiety WILL RETURN.

If lunch-time street approaches are an option, take a walk on your lunch break and open 3 sets. Open and eject if you're not up to stacking material. This will make bar sarges WAY easier. It'll slowly remove the anxiety of talking to strangers.

Fear of interrupting people

Personal Skeleton. We are raised from birth to be polite. To be considerate of other's feelings, opinion and pasttimes. We are a sensitive society. We're also a wussy society. The alpha man DOES take others into consideration. But he doesn't hesitate to give people the gift of his or her reality.