Fieldreport: Four Kiss-Closes

Here's a wild field report from the European city I'm visiting.

THE TEXTBOOK *CLOSE

On Friday night, I went to a dance club and ran into a friend. She was with two British women. And one was just a total bitch. She had her arms folded across her chest, had a shitty attitude, and basically told me to go to hell when I was introduced. Since hanging out with Mystery, I've learned that if you treat this all like a game, it's so very easy because instead of just trying to make people like you (which is seen as pathetic, you're toying with them (which intrigues them).

So I decided that, just for the sport of it, I'd try to break down HBBitch. I isolated HBBitch (an 8 who I'll rate a 6 because she really enjoys being mean and self hating), and did a little mind reading trick on her that I learned. At first, I said I'd read her mind and come up with the name of the first boy she ever loved. She said she'd never loved anyone before (no surprise there). So instead I went with her mother's name, and got it well enough to impress her. Then we sat down and I ran a couple live-for-the-moment patterns past her. Then I tried the Cube game on her--her horse was a unicorn and her storm was over the unicorn. So I told her that's why she'd never loved anyone--she's holding out for a man who doesn't exist, and then she's got this storm cloud over him. So we talk a little more about deep relationship stuff, and then I just stop talking to test her because I'm getting the DDB look. She says, 'So, what do you do for work?' As we all know, that's a sure IOI, so I use the Mystery *close and say, 'So, do you want to kiss me?' She hesitates, and I don't give her time to reply. So we start making out for a while.

A little later, we decide to go to another club. She goes to the bathroom, and she's gone forever, so my friend and I decide to just leave without her.

THE DISASTER *CLOSE

We go to another dance club. As soon as we walk in, I see this totally drunk HB9(very, very hot, young, slender, funky black haired girl with a red scarf and red lipstick and tight red top) who I had seen at a party the night before. I say hi, and she just throws herself on me, drunk, and we're all over each other. We sit down, and then I make the mistake of actually using asf tactics. She is too wasted to really understand a word of it, and it creates this awkwardness between us (anyone ever have the problem of patterns and SS turning off drunk girls?). She says she wants drugs, and I don't do drugs, but I tell her I can maybe take her to another club to get some. She says okay. We get up, and as she passes the bathroom, she pulls me in. She sits down on the toilet and takes a long pee (remember my last field report--THIS HAPPENS ALL THE F-ING TIME TO ME). As she finishes, someone starts pounding on the door. I tell him someone's in the bathroom, and then he bursts in the door. It's some guy, maybe the girl's boyfriend. They start yelling at each other, and finally she grabs my arm and we leave.

We go to the other club, and as soon as we walk in, I see HBBitch sitting at a table alone with her arms folded. She gives me the look of death for ditching her, and I joke and play with her a little (because her responses fall into such a predictable stereotype, it's easy to be one step ahead of her). Anyways, I'm in hell for the next half hour, because I have HBBitch upset that I'm with this hot drunk party girl, and I've got this hot drunk party girl upset because there are no drugs for her.

A MARRIAGE CLOSE? HELP!

Outside, HBBitch disappears and I #close the party girl, who is very upset with me because she is tired and wants drugs to stay awake. I run into a group of about 20 people (I know one guy in the group), who are trying to figure out where to go. I start talking to HBRussian (a teeny 7), and suggest that while they are standing around indecisive, we can go to a fun after-hours club, have an unforgettable time, grab a sandwich (because she's hungry), and then call her friends and meet up with them. She says she likes that I'm decisive, and we sneak away. There is a line outside the club, and a guy behind us starts talking to us. I tell him that HB Russian and I got engaged tonight and are celebrating (I've never actually used this before, but I think it's a good tactic with someone you've just met because it seals you to the HB romantically--it's a joke that plants a seed of possibility in an HB's mind. At the very least, you're both sharing a private joke together, creating a fantasy world for the two of you to live in for the night. Any thoughts on this?)