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How do I get laid

Here are a couple of rules of thumb that I use:

1) Never give a woman a direct answer. unless the answer is NO. This is a big one. If she says 'Can we sit here?" I say "No, let's sit in this one next to it" or if she says "How do you like my dress?" I say "Well, I think that I like it. just give me a few minutes to see it on you" or if she says "Call me tomorrow" I say "No. You call me tomorrow. cummon, you want me and you know it" Get it?

2) If she complains about you or doesn't like something, turn it up a notch and do it more. If she says to me "I don't really like it when you say that" I say "Well then you might want to leave, because I say it a lot" Get it?

3) Women are CONSTANTLY testing to see if they can get you to comply with them, and as soon as you do, they hit the road (or marry you). This took me years to see and understand, but the fact is that when you're dealing with a powerful, hot woman, she will do all fukking kinds of things that make no sense at all logically, but all the sense in the world when you understand her mindset. Hot women can have anything they want. What they want is a challenge. something that keeps their interest. Here it comes. If a woman can have anything she wants anytime she wants it, then WHY THE HELL DO GUYS THINK THAT THEY'RE GOING TO BE INTERESTING BY DOING THE SAME THING THAT EVERY OTHER GUY HAS DONE? Duh. Hey, I used to think this way. but then I got a clue. Now, I pay very careful attention, and never let her have what she wants. If she says "Kiss me" I say "No" if she says come over to my house I say "I'm busy right now, I'll come over later" if she says "I want you so bad, please make love to me" I say "Well, I think that you need to wait a little longer, and besides, I'm not finished kissing you" Get it? I NEVER give a woman exactly what she asks for. EVER!

4) Always send mixed signals. ALWAYS. Tell her I want to be friends, and kiss her. Tell her that what she just did was unacceptable, then go kiss her. Spank her if she does something nice. Also, respond differently to the same thing. For example, one time if she comes over and sits on my lap, I kiss her. Another time I push her off. get it? Never be predictable. NEVER.

OK, so we're on the way home from coffee (because I said "OK, let's go.") and we're back at my house. Here's one that I love. if it's at night, look at your watch and say "Well, I have to get up in the morning. but OK, you can come in for a few minutes."

Fukk that's great. You're talking to her like she's trying to convince you to let her in, and she hasn't said anything! Nice.

Then I just walk in and let her follow. (By the way, just for the record, I always open doors for women, walk on the outside of the curb, and pull chairs out etc.) If you act chivalrous and bust her balls at the same time, you'll be rewarded with good things from Santa.

So now we're in the house. and I take her for a tour. and either sit down on my bed to talk to her, or on the couch. wherever we kind of wind up. And I just kind of get a little quieter and let her talk while I look at her. I lean away from her and keep looking. sometimes looking away as if I'm thinking about something.

Then, I reach over and start stroking her hair while she's talking. I stroke down at the bottom first. If she's OK with this, I take it as a sign that she's WAAYYYYY into me and is probably going to be wanting sex within 60 minutes (if you have any doubts, ask a woman if she'll let a guy stroke her hair while she's on his bed on the first date if she's not into him).

This is a big piece of the puzzle that I've figured out. I used to do all kinds of massages and other stuff, but I now use the simple hair stroke test. If they like their hair stroked, they are at VERY LEAST going to be making out with me in short order, period. I'll occasionally do a hand massage here, or a little neck massage, but next I pull her close to me and cuddle with her. and then land the killer.

I have personally always liked the way women smell. so when she's laying next to me with me stroking her hair, I begin to smell her shoulders. just a little at first, and then more and more. while stroking her hair. Within about 5 or 10 minutes, I'm smelling her neck and ears. no kissing, and no groping at all. Never! I'm just smelling, then leaning back and acting like I'm completely enjoying the smelling, and it's relaxing me. Try this, my friends. if you can keep on smelling. she'll get so turned on that you won't believe it! At some point she'll try to kiss me. which is what I'm waiting for. I will let her lips get close to mine. even touch just a teensy bit. and then I'll back away. And keep smelling. I might say "Oh, you're kind of forward" . love it. After a few of these, I'll kiss her. and run my hands through her hair. the whole romantic kiss thing. then, again, I'll stop. I personally like it when a woman is pleading with me to make love to her. which I can do almost every time (Please don't take this as bragging, which it surely is. but I'm serious. It's damn fun.)

Then, when it's over, I don't call them.

And yes, they always call me.

Nice.

You can have any fukking thing you want in your life. if you're willing to figure out how to get it, and you're willing to work hard, kick ass, and pay the price. Everything else is bullshhit.

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