C Shape Smile vs U Shape Smile

This one is AWESOME if you're sarging strippers and models. It's also completely true.

Style: Smile again for me.

HB: um, okay.

Style (to wing): See, she's a U.

HB: ????

Style: I dated a girl who wanted to be a pop star. And she had a theory that people with U-shaped smiles were perceived as unfriendly. And people with C-shaped smiles were perceived as friendly.

HB: So what's a U then?

Style: A U is when your teeth go straight back in your mouth (can add  "kind of like a horse" if she's a SHB). A C is when there's a big row of pearly whites in the front. And to my ex, it was more than a theory. She actually got her teeth surgically reshaped from a U to a C.

HB: No way.

Style: And she had me go look at pictures of like Christina Aguilera, who is a U, and Britney Spears, who is a C. Look at the cover of Us or any magazine, and you'll see that it's always a C smile on the cover.

From here, me and the target start inspecting the teeth of random strangers looking for the perfect C or U. It's fun. This next section isn't part of the IVD, but this is the rest of the routine if you want it:

Style: It's crazy how many plastic surgeries they have for celebs now. She had her eye makeup and her lipstick tattooed on, and when she changed her hair color, she had her lips re-tattooed. (If the HB seems open-minded, I continue with the following: ) And do you want to hear the grossest thing? One day I noticed that she had two round dots on her upper thighs. She worked out two hours a day and was super-fit, but evidently she got lipo, too. But here's what's crazy. Because she used to work as an exotic dancer, she got the fat injected into her labia so that she always looked aroused. (I REALLY say this to HBs.)

Then I throw in this joke, with credit going to Nightlight9: She was from LA, and you have to be careful with them. Whenever you go out with girls in LA, everything can be really fake. Fake hair (point to your hair), fake eyes (PTE), fake nose (PTN), fake teeth (PTT), fake breasts (cup your breasts). You have to take them to the doctor first to find out which parts are real… They put her through a machine, and you get a print-out at the end.