It's cool to be yourself

A perfect example is fbs (fuck buddies). I though casual sex was retarded. Since middle school, I thought it was morally wrong and stupid and only lonely, sex-crazed losers did it.

Then I actually went out and got my first fb.

I don't know. I must say, it was confusing at first. But I enjoyed being with her for several months. We had a very warm relationship, nothing too official, no dates or forcing each other to go to formals or something, but lots of sweet times and very good sex. I picked up a couple more fbs and suddenly I had a rotation.

Almost a month ago, I cut off all my fbs. I don't really do that anymore. But as an experience I ENJOYED it and, furthermore, I LEARNED what it truly means to have a fb. To have casual sex. To just enjoy sex for sex. I experienced it and thus PERSONALLY learned the pros and cons of such a relationship. Now, being fully INFORMED and KNOWLEDGEABLE, I can make educated decisions on whether I want that in my life... decisions which are ultimately TRUER to myself because I'm not coming from a position of ignorance.

The fb example may be a bit extreme, but I encourage all new guys here to use this first-hand approach on almost anything. You may say you are perfectly fine with nerds, but my approach is to tell the nerd, "Hey man, just come with me and let's hit up a club this weekend. Just give it a shot" and to let the nerd decide for himself what's up. You'd be surprised how many nerds there are out there who are NOT NERDS BY CHOICE. They simply found themselves in that role and thus became TRAPPED.

Running with this idea, many guys find themselves TRAPPED in various roles, whether it comes to work, school, or women. If that role is GENUINELY what that guy enjoys/desires, then that's GREAT. What I want is for those guys out there who feel TRAPPED or CONFUSED to take a step back, try new things, and thus TRULY define who they are and what they want.

AND

B) To teach them how to best CONVEY who they are to win the girl

Like it or not, "just be yourself" isn't very practical advice. Millions of girls say it. It's a commonly heard phrase. However... what the fuck does it mean?

I wrote a post not too long ago about identity. I don't know if it was stickied, but the gist of it was:

It's cool to be yourself. However, "yourself" is a very complicated essence, with multiple facets to your personality. You have a variety of interests, temperaments, roles you play. Eventually, as you get closer with someone, you want to show more and more of yourself, so they come to understand and see you as a WHOLE person.

HOWEVER, INITIALLY, to just randomly show all of yourself is impractical. It's stupid. When I go to a job interview, I do not assume the cocky/funny, kinda-fucking-with-you, flirtatious tone that I normally use with women. Instead, I retain the confidence, but take a much more professional demeanor. When I'm with my parents, I try to be respectful and friendly, but in a toned down, quieter way. When I'm on Battle.net playing Starcraft, I use 1337 speak and perform 300+ keyboard/mouse actions per minute.

So.... when I'm with a woman... what does "be yourself" mean? Just "be natural?" WTF? Are you beginning to see how useless that advice is? ESPECIALLY for some computer nerd who may or may not have ANY interests besides computers... are you HONESTLY expecting him to go up to a woman, start spitting computer techno-babble, and win her over? Oh yes, he's showing her his "true" self... he's talking to her about "what he cares about." Oh she doesn't like him? Too bad. I guess he should just wait, lonely and a virgin, until some computer GIRL shows interest in him. Then the two of them can talk about computers all day long.

This is where this point ties in with my first point of truly identifying yourself and pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone. You know what's funny? One of my sort-of students was a nerd. ULTIMATE nerd. All he did was play RPG games all day on his computer. Not even ONLINE RPG games, those single-player solo games. He had an attractive face, but his body was shit from sitting around all day. He had never partied much so he wasn't into that. He had a sense of humor, but a decidedly "nerd" sense of humor (game lingo, 1337speak, etc.).