It's cool to be yourself

lol. I had no idea this thread was even around, let alone had so many references to me!

Okay carnegie. Before anything else, I'd like to give you an e-prop for actually-sort-of-maybe-quite-possibly having read more than the general LT on the front page and having taken the time to look around.

And I'd like to clarify some things.

First off, don't take the cold/calculating definitions, tactics, dissections of social dynamics, analyses of various social trends/patterns/etc. too personally. Afterall, the vast majority of the guys here are nerds. I am a nerd. Making lists and definitions and analyses is, for us, a LOGICAL response to those things that mystify us (women, relationships, sex, etc.)
carnegie wrote:
If you're changing your personality to get girls, aren't you just being a little bitch, anyway? I mean, isn't that just whoring yourself, but more privately and in advance?

Exactly right. You shouldn't change your ideals, your beliefs, your desires for anybody.

Sadly, the world is not this simple. Or rather, it should be, but many guys muck it up along the way. They run into one or both of the following problems:

1) They don't necessarily KNOW what they want. This translates into them not really knowing WHO they are. What they THINK they want is usually some mixed up, coagulated bag of garbage, the product of popular media + friends + random outside sources (like religion, etc.).

OR

2) They change their ideals, beliefs, whatever ANYWAY. Many IWs would like nothing better than to just grab their IP, their "best friend" who's a girl, and just kiss her... but they don't. They stamp down upon their desires and re-rationalize to themselves that they're not REALLY in it for the romantic/physical aspect... they're in this relationship because she's a "good friend." If this is the truth, props. HOWEVER, I can tell you, from having met countless guys with this exact problem, this is NOT usually the truth. USUALLY, it's an elaborate deception, except that it deceives not only the girl, but themselves as well.

Please do not think that what we're advocating here is to totally change who you are. It's not. At least, when I give out advice on this forum, it's to accomplish 2 things:

A) To help identify just WHO you truly ARE:

For me, the solution is simple. It's to try everything and anything, to always be exploring and pushing yourself past your comfort zone. In HS, I thought I had the world all figured out. I thought I knew what kind of person I was, what kind of life was in store for me, what kind of girl I was going to marry, etc. I was hopelessly naive.

A friend of mine once wrote, "It is not human nature to limit ourselves; we are designed to be unlimited." However, many guys end up limiting themselves. They think "I want xyz girl, I want her to be my official gf, I want to be in love, I never want to have a meaningless one night stand, I don't want multiple partners, I want to be married" and so on. The funny thing is, they are already limiting themselves. They are setting down parameters.

Now, if those parameters actually MEAN something to you, then they are your IDEALS. Your personal CODE. That's cool. I respect that. Live how you want... AS LONG AS it's TRULY what you want. But most guys don't KNOW what they truly want. When they say shit like "oh I'm in love" or "I want to be married" they are just re-spitting lines taught to them by popular media, by friends, by parents. THEY (their truest, inner selves) don't really know WHAT THE FUCK they want.

In HS, I thought I wanted certain things. After almost two years of approaching life from an explorer's point of view, of trying to constantly teach myself new things, I've learned that to think you've got yourself 100% figured out is naive. HOWEVER, it's possible to constantly be learning MORE about yourself. And you CAN'T really learn who you are unless you experience things FULLY, PERSONALLY, VISCERALLY.