A key concept in understanding interaction with women

A while back someone emailed me a great success story. I saved it on my computer and forgot about it. Last week I was going through my computer and found it.

I thought, "Wow! - this is a really great story," and was planning on using it in my last newsletter. But, then, as I was reading through it, I thought to myself, "there is so much good stuff going on here, I could do a whole newsletter on it." And that's exactly what I'm doing. Enjoy!

"Hey Swinggcat! There once was a time when I would walk into a bar, look at all the beautiful women having fun with guys who were NOT me, and get depressed. So I'd start drinking, and that would only make me more depressed. Eventually I'd go home alone, hating the world, hating women, and most of all, hating myself for not even TRYING to have fun.

Bars and clubs can be an intimidating environment. Until recently, it wasn't in my reality to believe that I could actually make out with a girl in either location. Sure, I'd seen guys do it before, but to think that *I* could was just beyond any logical reasoning my mind could grasp.

But in reading through Swinggcat's book, there was a chapter that really stuck out at me. That was the chapter on FRAMES. As Swinggcat defines it, a frame determines the underlying meaning of behaviors and actions.

I've found this is a *key* concept in understanding any interaction with women.

When you enter a situation you may feel uncomfortable with, the natural inclination is to be overwhelmed by the FRAME your environment presents. If you allow this to happen, you effectively give up any control over your behaviors and actions. This is the worst possible thing you can do if you are hoping to meet the girl of your dreams. Controlling your FRAME, and setting the right FRAME, as opposed to adopting the FRAMES presented to you, is the most powerful tool there is in getting a woman.

Allow me to demonstrate what I mean.

I was recently in a very trendy club in Los Angeles. It was the kind with some low level celebrities, some incredibly beautiful women, some incredibly rich men, sexy go-go dancers swinging around on poles, trendy techno music, and tastefully pornographic movies projected on the walls. In short: IT WAS THE MOST INTIMIDATING ENVIRONMENT KNOWN TO MAN!

So there I am, a guy who's about 50 lbs. overweight, who's bald, and who makes $30 Grand a year, hob-knobbing with models and porno stars. And wouldn't you know it, the same feeling I got when I went to a bar in the past began to creep up on me. But because I was able to understand the concept of controlling my FRAME, I was able to do something amazing.

I set the frame that I'm having a good time, that all the girls in the club liked me, and that I was going to have fun with them. Before long, I found myself in a conversation with a beautiful girl who is a model. In fact, she told me she's going to be on the next season of "America's Next Top Model." Because I approached her with a strong frame of having fun and that I was the PRIZE, she was very responsive to me. She eventually got dragged away by some friends (as is apt to happen in clubs). But later on, I saw her talking to a group of guys who were obviously trying to hit on her.

But because my frame was so strong, I walked up to the group, took her by the hand, and literally LEAD her onto the dance floor, away from all the moes she was talking to, who watched in stunned silence and a poor, bald, fat guy grinded away with this amazing girl in front of them. And not only that - SHE WAS INTO IT!

So there I am, body pressed up against this girl, having the best time in the world, and I think to myself "I should make out with her!"

So I did. I grabbed her and planted one right on her lips. And not only did she react well, but she reciprocated! Before long, our tongues were in a fencing match with each other, and I was the envy of about 78% of the club. It was a reality shattering experience for me, because until that point, the only place I'd ever made out with a girl was either in my car or in the bedroom after about 3 or 4 dates.