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How to implement a habit

The way I get through it is literally BLIND FAITH. I will figure out what the basic training is and do it OVER AN OVER, regardless of whether or not I get a result.

A big part of this is that I have NO OUTCOME for a very long time. My only outcome is to get my ass out of the house and to wherever I'm supposed to be. My criteria for success isn't how well I did. It's IF I SHOWED UP and did what I was supposed to do. My expectations of myself are very low.

I read posts on here about guys in the field for six months and frustrated that they aren't getting results, and I really don't relate to why they're finding this to be unusual. When I took my first workshop I was getting laid, but I had a major social fear of clubs and my goal was to learn how to game girls in that environment. It took me a few months to get my first club makeout but I never thought anything of it. It wouldn't have occurred to me to be one of these guys who comes on a month later and says "I still haven't gotten laid." I was told that it would take me six months to get "passably not lame," and I took that at face value. There was no way after I spent all that time and money that I wasn't going to go out and do what the guy told me to do. That would have devalidated the whole thing. To be honest, although I learned a lot on the program, I couldn't remember shit afterwards because the whole thing was shocking like a whirlwind. The big thing I took from it was INSPIRATION and CONFIRMATION THAT IT WAS POSSIBLE. That was ALL I needed to get good.

First I learned how to open in a club environment. OK, got that. Then how to hook attention for thirty seconds. Ok, got that. Then how to tell stories. OK, got that. Then how to tease and create sexual tension. OK, got that. Then how to get a number. OK, got that. Then I realized they all flaked. OK, scrap everything, back to the drawing board. Then how to deliver it better. OK, got better reactions. Then how to slow it the fuck down to get the same reactions without being a dancing monkey. OK, got that. Each of these took weeks or months at a time.

The process went on for years, but now I have the exact result that I want.

Guys say to me "Wow, you had such dedication" and I can't relate to that. To me, that's like telling a kid who goes to play basketball after school for a few years that he has dedication. It wasn't dedication. It was a routine. A habit. A hobby. I made the time for it in my life, and I never worried about how well I was doing. I assumed with blind faith that everything would take care of itself if I just kept going out and meeting people to get advice on how I was doing.

Jlaix and I were talking, and he was like "Dude, my skills are in like the stratosphere lately. It's getting so good it's scary." I was like "Think about it. Remember back in the day when we were dorks, and we were like 'all we have to do is go out for six months and we'll be decent'? Six months seemed like forever back then, but now six months breezes by like its nothing, and every time that happens our skills are going up at the same rate that they were back in the day. The improvement keeps compiling and that's why these results are showing up."

If you think back to the last six months or a year, it seems like nothing. That time passes so fast. You get older and decades start to fly by.

When you implement a habit, you're thinking about the outcome and how hard the training is. So you go through the one night and because its one of your first nights you remember every detail and it seems like a lifetime. And then you think "Six more months of THIS? Or a YEAR?!"

But that's the wrong thinking. If you're thinking like that there is no way you'll get anywhere. The point is to just keep going out and not try to get results. Just go out and do your exercises and it will come naturally. Don't think of it as "Six more months." Think "This is what I'm doing now. My day consists of this now. This is my lifestyle."

To me, it comes down to this: 1-Get an idea of what you want. 2-Formulate a plan of how often you need to show up to get there. 3-Accept that your new activity is a part of your life for the duration of the time you've decided, and never decide based on emotions if you're going to show up or not. Just show up. 4-Don't worry if you're getting results, just stick to the plan with blind faith, and make your criteria for success just to show up. 5-Make it a hobby, look at the details critically without taking advice dogmatically, and take the initiative to shift the focus of your training when your intuition tells you that it might help.

Don't focus on chasing outcome. Focus on sticking to habits. Make your criteria for success if you stuck to the habit.

Anyway, hopefully that was helpful to some people.

By Tyler Durden

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