I'm 25 and still a virgin

But apparently, this is a bad/non-masculine self-image and is basically a lack in sexual-confidence. Realizing this just makes me even more inadequate. It just sucks and I don't know how to get my brain to think/feel differently.

>2. Don't worry about picking
>up women for now. Your
>priority should be like you
>said - self-improvement. Any
>positive changes you make in
>yourself, however, must COME
>from yourself. Write out three
>things you'd like to change.
>Then CHANGE THEM. Nobody's
>perfect, so you'll never run
>out of things you'd like to
>improve. Some things I work
>on: grooming (got a nice
>cologne?), working out (any
>love handles?), social vibe
>(am I adding value to the
>conversation?), and so on.

This is good advice, and I really do agree. In a lot of ways, any girlfriend would be a good start. Just to experience intimacy, sex, get to know women in general, etc. on a regular basis and really learn the basics. And I wouldn't really be lonely. But like I said, even getting a semi-attractive girl, or even an uglier one, requires some social skills and I'm really under-developed here.

I have actually written out a lot of things I'd like to change. I can post those if you want. However, I'm not really sure if it's really "me" that wants them changed as much as I think I need to change them to get what I really want (friends, women, healthy social life).

For example, a lot of this badboy philosophy is really unsettling. I realize it's not the only philosophy, and I know all the arguments on why it works for people when it comes to women... but it's not my true-self. I even know that my current self-image is not even close to my true self either. I'm not entirely sure what my true-self is, but I know it's not a badboy. I just want to develop a true-self that some people actually find attractive, and a true-self that probably attracts the right people to me as opposed to the wrong ones. That would be just great to be honest.

The big problem is HOW? Maybe my goals are too abstract, but I'm having a problem chunking it down to figure out what to do to improve each aspect of my character. Part of the reason I wanted a psychologist was not to talk about my past, but to be my better half and provide the details for me because I'm just too abstract of a thinker.

I have an endless supply of things to change though. I did go out and buy some cologne the other day and I'm getting a membership at the gym tomorrow. I have been working to getting my life together once the depression got a little better and I could control myself again. It's not gone, but I can function okay I guess (well, most of the time. Yesterday wasn't a very good day).

>4. While you're not perfect,
>there ARE good qualities about
>you, so...

Most or maybe all of my good qualities are not social ones. I know I'm extremely intelligent. I'm a brilliant software designer and strategic thinker in business/marketing. I'm a winner at poker. And I play guitar very well although I haven't played in awhile. Professionally, I'm really accomplished (authored 3 books and run my own software company with real employees). And while I'm not rich, if I wasn't so depressed all the time and if I gave a shit, I could be.

I problem is that I focus on what I don't have when it comes to skills, and I fall short to even the most under-average people. My written communication is great. My verbal communication sucks.

And I'm really negative. I'm totally aware of it, but it just comes out when I communicate. And then I realize it after the fact and feel like deleting it, as I just said a bunch of negative things already. I remember reading that unhappy people think negatively 80% of the time by default and happy people think positively 80% of the time by default. I just have to improve my self-esteem and well-being, but that's kind of hard.