I'm 25 and still a virgin

InSpir3d: 
I‘m 25 and still a virgin

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Wolfman:
1. You're a virgin - who cares? No one sees this as you walk into a bar. Women are DEFINITELY not able to tell. After my first time, the girl kept asking me how many women I'd been with. When I started being elusive, she imagined it was in the double digits. This was because I was confident and had a good idea of what was what (thanks, porn!).

2. Don't worry about picking up women for now. Your priority should be like you said - self-improvement. Any positive changes you make in yourself, however, must COME from yourself. Write out three things you'd like to change. Then CHANGE THEM. Nobody's perfect, so you'll never run out of things you'd like to improve. Some things I work on: grooming (got a nice cologne?), working out (any love handles?), social vibe (am I adding value to the conversation?), and so on.

4. While you're not perfect, there ARE good qualities about you, so...

5. Write affirmations. Post them somewhere visible. Read them aloud. Think them. Here's a few of mine, for example:

"When I walk into a room, people want to talk to me."

"My stories are funny and interesting."

"People envy my cooking skills."

Etc, etc. Maybe they're not wholly true when you first write them, but believe in them long enough and you will really feel the way you want. Maybe it's a form of auto-brainwashing.

Also, consider your environment. Figure out if your living situation is what you want it to be. If your job is not making you happy or feeling satisfied, find something else! Hell, move to another city if you feel so socially isolated. FORCE yourself to put yourself in new situations and meet new people.

I'm no psychiatrist. I CAN tell you that the person I am today is the person I WANT to be. Three, four years ago, I definitely was not. The key for me was realizing that I alone am in control of what I feel, and no one else. Thus it was up to me to figure out what I wanted in my social interactions, and how to get it.

Hope this helps.

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InSpir3d  wrote:
>1. You're a virgin - who
>cares? No one sees this as you
>walk into a bar. Women are
>DEFINITELY not able to tell.
>After my first time, the girl
>kept asking me how many women
>I'd been with. When I started
>being elusive, she imagined it
>was in the double digits. This
>was because I was confident
>and had a good idea of what
>was what (thanks, porn!).

I totally get what you mean. But, the thing is, I'm not confident. Believe me, I've tried to be be positive and put on myself in the best state I know how. I still give off all kinds of signals. For example, a little while back a girl put her hand on my shoulder - a fairly non-sexual form of human contact - and I immediately jerked my head to see what she was doing and slightly moved back. Does a sexually confident person react like this? No way.

And the thing with sex is that I really don't know what to do. I don't have any kind of game plan to run. I know it's not really supposed to be like that, but even with all the porn I've watched, I can't honestly say I really know what to do. And the thing is, if you put a naked women in front of me, I'd probably be too anxious to touch her, or I'd probably be way too nervous. I know it's all in my own head, but it would be a stressful situation. It shouldn't be. I know it. But that's where my self-image is.

But even if that were fixed, I read about how a lot of guys are having sex with women, and I honestly cannot put myself in their shoes. For example, any kind of extreme dominance gives me great anxiety - choking the neck, pulling her hair, gagging her throat, etc. - all of this shit just irks me. Like, if I had sex and had never watched porn or talked with people to see how they had sex, my mind would never have come up with this stuff. And even after becoming aware it after all this time, I can't say I really desire to do it.